


Handful of Ashes

by KhonshusKnight



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Historical AU, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M, envoys and royals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-11 21:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17454518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KhonshusKnight/pseuds/KhonshusKnight
Summary: Shoma Uno is an Envoy for the Emperor and all has been going well until he meets a beautiful young King.





	1. Chapter 1

Shoma had only met the King of the nation across the sea from his once - and he was already enamoured with him. He knew what it was like to feel this kind of attraction for someone, having felt it before. The King was young - which had come to a surprise as the other kingdom's he'd been an envoy to had had older kings with princes older than Shoma was and that always made things a little difficult. While many envoys, especially nascents to countries, were young like Shoma there were few rulers who were that way. Shoma knew that Nathan had become King rather recently - but he didn't know the circumstances of that decision - nor did he really care, as long as he got to spend time in meetings with him. It was always interesting when they met - he knew that despite their approximately similar age there was always going to be a difference between them, but Shoma just enjoyed looking at his face. 

Shoma loved his country, beyond belief, he loved everything about it - he wasn't a national traitor, but Nathan just made him wish he was spending more time there rather than here. Shoma was sat on a veranda, looking out across a picturesque pond to a pagoda. He wasn't in the emperors presence but this part of the country looked as if the gods and man had made it just for the emperor. He barely looked up when Daisuke sat next to him - he was an older envoy and a mentor to Shoma in many ways. He had looked up to him and they had been on the recent trip together. "You thinking about that young king?" 

"No. Why would I be?" 

"Oh I saw how you looked at him during that revel he threw." Daisuke shrugged a little, "you know he was looking at you too." Shoma flushed, mentally cursing himself for not being able to cover his own affection for the King, and his desire for the other to be looking at him. "He's cute. I mean, not really my type and it's really not allowed but he's still cute." Shoma rolled his eyes, the other was brazen, they shouldn't be talking about royals like this, especially royals who are a threat to their nation. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind him leading some exploratory missions." 

"Dai, please." Shoma said hiding his face. "I don't, I don't care. I don't like him. Sure he's cute, but there are plenty of cute guys around here who I can do _that_ with. Please don't." 

"Don't what? I'm not going to tell anyone about you flirting with a King. He was into you. I mean what did you even talk about?" 

"Nothing- just hobbies and leisure and stuff, he invited me to see his gardens." 

Daisuke interrupted with a laugh, "Oh he wanted you to see his garden, were you going to follow his happy trail all the way down?" Shoma flushed harder - starting to worry that the blush running to his cheeks was going to stop his heart as there would be so little blood left in the rest of him. 

"Please Dai, don't." Shoma wanted this conversation to be over, desperately. He didn't want to talk about the King of the neighbouring nation. He was all the way across the sea anyway. He took a slow breath trying to calm himself down. "The King has all of his... _needs_ catered to. You know he has a harem... they all do." He'd never met a King without one, or concubines, or at least something to help them and Shoma imagined that women were queuing up to serve a king that looked like Nathan. He took a slow breath, looking out at the pond again. "He wouldn't even want me." 

"Shoma, you know you're gorgeous right? Nathan liked you. He was really into you, he didn't invite anyone else to see the gardens." Daisuke said quietly, as if he knew he'd pushed the other a bit too hard with the teasing about his crush on the King. He knew that Shoma didn't often show affection to someone and that was usually the source of Daisuke's teasing. "You do also know no one cares about the fact he's a _he_ " 

Shoma looked up at the other, "I know it's not... that. I mean no one cares about what you and the emperor do sometimes." Shoma was quiet, he didn't know if it was really common knowledge but he did know that there was something between the two. Was it love? He wasn't too sure, the emperor had a wife and children but he knew that that was just for legacy and that love had very little to do with it. He hoped for Daisuke that there was something more like love - his friend deserved that and he didn't know if he had it. 

"Ah.. that. It's nice, what we do. It's good." He said softly, "He's... well he's trapped in a marriage but we love each other. I'm not saying you and Nathan would have that, but nothing is wrong with sleeping with a really hot King." 

"Mm..." Shoma mumbled, he got up going to return to his own quarters, his job mostly involved travelling to see other kingdoms and send messages. He didn't really know why he'd ended up in this role but this was the life he would chose if he got another choice, he wanted to see the whole world if he could - although right now he just wanted to go back to Nathan's kingdom and look at the King again.

Shoma got his chance to go back a few months later, he had volunteered to be the one to go there and upon landing he felt his breath quicken when he saw Nathan there to greet them. They both bowed to each other and went in to have their meeting. Shoma still couldn't take his eyes off of the other man. He hated how much he wanted the king, he didn't know if the other had a wife - and right now he didn't care. He just wanted to feel the other against him. He wished he could feel him on him but he was in this meeting, discussing a treaty to prevent a war. Shoma loved talking about peace - because he didn't remember the last war of his nation but his father did and that was something that made him eternally afraid of going back to that point. 

Shoma got the chance to travel to Nathan's kingdom again, and he took it. He would go again - he wanted to see the King again and possibly get to find out if there was anything between them. He was disappointed to find that Daisuke was not coming but rather Keiji. He liked Keiji, but Daisuke had been previously and already knew about Shoma's attraction to men. It was not something he hid, no, but rather something he didn't want to have to explain, when a man he wanted to sleep with was potentially watching. 

When they arrived the royal envoy were there and they were taken to see Nathan straight away. Nathan smiled when he saw Shoma, stepping down and looking at him. "Envoy Uno, I am glad that you have returned to us, we did not get to talk properly last time." he said and Shoma couldn't help but blush. As a boy who was into other boys Shoma had learnt at a young age to discern someone who shared the same interests as him and navigate a safe way to flirt with someone. He knew in this moment that Daisuke had been right, that this really was a viable option for him. 

"Yes, we really must get better _aquainted_ " He gave a smile he liked to think was playfully seductive. The King nodded and their mutual agreement was sealed. Shoma was not surprised that the King invited him against to go and view the gardens and they walked together. The King alone, with no guards for a change, pretences could be dropped. 

"I think we are the same Envoy Uno." He said the back of their hands brushing together. 

"Shoma, my first name is Shoma." Shoma looked down as their fingers teased against each other, occasionally catching. 

"Nathan" The king said with a smile, pausing when they got to a lake, sitting down legs handing into the water. Shoma sat with him. 

"I knew that." He admitted and Nathan shrugged, moving to unfasten his robe and slip into the water. His smile coaxing Shoma to do the same he wanted to get a better look at the king but the moonlight was only giving him glimpses of the way the King's muscles were taut over his body. He stripped and got into the lake. He shuddered at the chill and smiled over at the King. He knew that there was not going to be much talking, there never was in situations like this. He was here for a reason - and neither of them were unaware of what was going on - although Shoma had expected the King would have found somewhere more private than a lake. Nathan reached out to take the others hand and pulled him over to behind the rock that was in the centre of the pond. "Here?" 

"No one will come." Nathan said quietly, although Shoma felt like the other was unsure - and he suddenly felt concerned about their robes being left where they were. "I just wanted a moment with you."

Shoma was still surprised when Nathan closed the gap between them kissing Shoma slowly, but he could still feel the King's yearning for this in the kiss. Shoma wrapped his arms around Nathan's neck and kissed him a little harder, they were pressed closer together than would be considered appropriate for a first kiss, but he was an envoy they didn't have time to work up to this. Nathan's hands were under the surface of the water, at first on Shoma's hips, moving down to cup his ass and give it a soft squeeze. The smaller man made a quiet sound, and the King smirked against him. Shoma made a small sound as he moved, legs around the mans hips, keeping them even closer, Nathan had moved to press him against the rock in the centre of the water. Shoma gasped, parting from the kiss and looking at the man. His hand moved to cup the others cheek. 

Nathan reached between them gently stroking Shoma's length, kissing his neck softly, Shoma knew he shouldn't have been surprised to find the other was experienced enough to know what he was doing with this. It was exhilarating, breathing slowly, he went to pull the other up and kiss him harder, moaning out against his lip. "Nate" he breathed out, Nathan's hands were playing across his thighs, the King bit his lip when he pulled back to look at Shoma, lips swollen from the kisses, but he just wanted more. He wanted the King to know he wanted him, and he didn't want to have to use his words - because he genuinely didn't know how much longer their joint language would hold up. 

He lent his head back against the rock as Nathan slowly moved his hand to the others entrance. "Is it ok if we do this?" Nathan said quietly, hesitating to give Shoma enough time to decide what he wanted. Shoma nodded. "Say it for me. I want you to tell me if you want - and you can stop this at any time." 

Shoma nodded, "I want this. I want _you_ " Shoma breathed out, unsure of which language he was going to speak in if Nathan started talking to him again. He was never going to be able to tell him things, especially if the King ended up as far gone as him. Nathan slowly pushed a finger into him and Shoma tipped his head back, arching a little against the sensation. He closed his eyes and focused on keeping himself relaxed. This wasn't his first time but it had been a while since he had shared himself with a man. He took a slow breath, opening his eyes to see Nathan looking at him, hand still stroking him gently. 

Nathan slowly started to move his finger, slowly beginning to open Shoma, second finger joining the first, Shoma gasped a little, he cried out, rolling his hips up. "More." He begged a little, he didn't care if it was unbecoming for him to beg for the King, he didn't care. He just wanted more and Nathan was more than willing to give him that, third finger entering and spreading him wide. He let out small breaths, slowly keening against the other. He moved, eyes closed tight as Nathan retracted his finger. "More." he whimpered a little, holding the man close to him. Nathan moved the head of his cock pressed against Shoma's entrance and the smaller man braced himself for the other to penetrate him. 

He whimpered, holding the King close as he felt him fill him. Shoma cried out against the other's lips. Nathan gently shushed him, "Please my envoy, you need to keep down. I don't want to get caught." Nathan laughed a little, holding still and letting Shoma get used to the sensation, once the head was in the rest had been easier but Shoma was still taking shallow breaths to get used to it. Nathan starting moving and he closed his own eyes moaning against the others skin as they started moving against each other. 

Shoma had his legs wrapped tightly around Nathan's hips as they moved in time with each other, moaning out together. Shoma couldn't help hand in the back of Nathan's hair pulling him closer for a kiss. Hand running through his curls and letting out a soft sound as they moved in tandem. Shoma nearly whined when Nathan stopped moving. Lips going to his neck, "Be quiet sweetheart." Although if Shoma could remember the words in the King's language he would say it was hard when he was doing that. 

Shoma kept himself holding the other, the light of lamps lit up the lake and Nathan looked up at Shoma, and they looked at each other. The light cascading over Nathan's face was beautiful, Shoma cupped the others cheek and pulled him for a kiss, as they tried to remain quiet, not wanting to get caught, that would be too awkward for him. God, the shame that he would feel if they caught him as the envoy sleeping with the King. He lent back against the rock watching the other, the King who's eyes were tracing any parts of their bodies he could see out of the water. 

As soon as the guards had moved on to survey a different area, Nathan started moving again. Shoma knew he had to be quiet, gasping a little. Nathan sped up, they were holding each other, Shoma gripping the King's shoulders unable to hold back a few soft grunts. Nathan didn't take much longer to finish Shoma cried out when he too finished shortly after. He kissed him softly as they came down. 

Nathan looked at the envoy, Shoma knew he looked ruined, he moved to fix one of Nathan's curls out of his eyes. Shoma couldn't help but laugh a little at the ridiculousness of this moment, he'd somehow come out to go with the King to view the lake and ended up fucking the King in it. He really was a cliche. Nathan had pulled out but was holding Shoma against him still. Shoma gently unhooked his legs and Nathan let him go down, Shoma made his way to the edge of the lack and began to put his robes back on. 

Nathan looked up at him. "So quick to leave," He said with a small sigh, almost hurt as he walked towards the edge to get himself dressed. 

"I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation." He said quietly. He knew from the way Daisuke sulked after meeting with their own emperor. He knew the male lovers took an even lower role than the concubines who didn't bear children. He turned to see Nathan dressing himself, not saying anything, not giving him anything to take from this. "Well good night." 

Nathan barely looked up. "Night envoy Uno." Shoma tried not to tense when the King reverted to calling him by his title. He hated it, he hated how it stung in his chest. To be used for his body on an envoy mission was stupid. The King was beautiful and he looked so beautiful in the moonlight. Why had he been so weak why hadn't he just said no to it all? He should have just been strong enough to walk away. He didn't want to be used - but he just loved the way the King had touched him. 

He spent the rest of his journey avoiding the King and his gazes. Shoma felt him looking at him and it made him mad, why would the King be staring, he got exactly what he wanted. He night before the return journey the man was surprised by a knock on the door and he saw Nathan. "Your grace." He said before looking back into his room, "Come in." 

Nathan stepped through the threshold and then looked at Shoma again, "You've been avoiding me." He said rather than asked and Shoma's eyes traced over the King, looking beautiful as ever, robes intricate and his hair in that kind of intentionally messed up style that suited him so well. "Since we had sex." 

"I know what it is like to bend over for a leader. I know what is expected." Shoma shrugged, "So I fulfilled that role." 

"So... you do this a lot then." Nathan bit his lip and sighed "I knew I wasn't your first but I didn't know you were some sort of sexual pleasure envoy." He was angry, no - Shoma knew it wasn't anger, he was embarrassed. "I should have thought about it more. I mean you're pretty so no wonder you've shared yourself with plenty of men." He turned on his heel. "I was a fool to come here tonight." 

"Nathan... I haven't... you're the only King I've slept with. Never on my envoy mission. I've never done that with any of my visits." He stared at the King waiting for an answer. He took a breath, "I have a friend who's the plaything of a different leader - I know from what he told me what we're expected to do. He told me you finish and leave. We aren't exactly something you want people to know about are we?" 

Nathan took a small breath, "Envoy Uno, I would like to continue to spend time with you - next time you're here maybe you would like to see more of our city. My mother has a place she uses when she needs some time apart from my father." Shoma eyed him, "I won't ask you to sleep with me again - if you don't want to we can just talk or something. I do actually like you. I know you think I'm just a King who always gets his way but that's not the case. I have a lot of duty but you... my choice with you was not out of convenience." Nathan shrugged and turned to leave, Shoma just let him and resumed packing. 

Being back in Japan was weird, he thought being away from Nathan would have him thinking about the King less, but since being back that was all he could think about. He looked over at Daisuke who had been talking for a while about a visit to a Prince further away, where the people looked completely different. Apparently they even had yellow hair. But Shoma couldn't think about that mission, he could just think about Nathan. 

"Are you going to ask to go on the long journey?" Daisuke asked with a small hum, "the Emperor has asked me not to... it would be nearly a whole year away." 

"Ah, no... I'm pretty sure, I should stay here. There is no point going that far." 

"Oh you wanna see your King again." He teased a little. 

"Dai... can I tell you something?" He asked looking down. 

"You slept with him, didn't you? I suspected it. Why are you down about it? I mean was he bad at it, because you can't always expect the rich ones know what they're doing - plus no one has probably told him he sucks." 

"No- No" Shoma could feel his skin practically burning. "He wasn't bad... it was just... I left after and he got all weird about it and then he asked me to come back and go to a city with him." 

"Sounds cute." 

"He's a King, Dai" Shoma sighed, "He is too good for me and you know it. I'm just going to end up hurt by this." 

"Just don't fall in love. If you're getting good sex why stop it?" Daisuke shrugged a little, "You'll probably get bored before he does. I mean royals aren't the most imaginative at sex and it gets pretty boring just lying on your back."

"He fucked me in the lake in the gardens." Shoma said smiling when Daisuke nearly spat his drink out. 

"Oh... nice." 

"Mhm, I don't think it's just boring missionary with him." Shoma said with a laugh. Daisuke nodded and then Shoma looked his friend. "Do you love our emperor?" 

"Of course I do, I love our country so I love him. As do all of our people." Daisuke said but didn't meet Shoma's eyes. He took a slow breath, "I know you don't mean like that, but yes. I love him. I love him with every fibre of my being. I've loved him for a long time and it doesn't get easier. We have sex and then he goes back to his wife, or his meetings, or we talk for a bit and I drift off and he leaves. It's lonely loving him." Shoma nodded listening to the other. "But there is nothing wrong with sleeping with the hot King. If he's offering anyway." 

Shoma just nodded, he guessed that Daisuke was right - he should just enjoy the moment and not think to deeply about it. Not when he could just be having fun with someone who was as cute as that King was. He took a bit to relax and decided that he would keep going with the King, the royal would get bored with him. He went back to work, trying to push the idea out of his mind. He decided he would take the next envoy mission across the sea to see the King - and then after he'd stop. Probably.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoma returns to the others kingdom and sees some of the sights

Shoma's chance to go back to see Nathan came far sooner than he had anticipated, this time he was sent with Daisuke, he was relieved, he didn't have to worry about someone reporting back to the emperor that he was possibly too into the other. His eyes met the King's as they entered, he looked beautiful - Shoma hated how much he wanted to be in the others arms already. He wanted more than just to be in his arms, but that could wait. He couldn't help but watch the King during the feast to commemorate the visit. They were close kingdoms in proximity to envoy missions were frequent to enable communication. Shoma knew that they brought news from his emperor - but he wasn't sure what it was about exactly. He ate quietly, occasionally meeting eyes with the Kings. He hated the way his breath caught and his heart skipped. He cursed himself for being a traitor in many ways. He knew he was supposed to find someone back home that made his heart jump like this. 

Nathan approached him the next morning, "Did you remember our agreement last time? About visiting our beautiful city." 

Shoma nodded a little, "Of course. I remember, when would you like to go?" 

"Ah, yes, I was wondering if you wanted to go today." He said with a small nod. "I mean... our schedules are both free today. I know all of the envoys are free." 

Shoma nodded, "Let's go today, I want to see your city." Nathan nodded and began walking away with the other 

They walked through the city together, Nathan smiled when they went down a small alley. "I used to play here as a child. My father, like most people in my life, wanted to keep me locked in the palace. I was heir to a throne. But my mom, she always brought me here, she was from the city - and I dont know how she met my father, or why he chose her but she always kept a place in the city, and she used to bring me out here." He smiled as they walked. Shoma couldn't help but think that this was not a place that a royal would live or let their children live in. "You see, my mom didn't think I should grow up an isolated prince who knew nothing of his people, so she brought me here, to play with neighbourhood kids, to grow to love where I am from and the people I share this beautiful kingdom with." 

Shoma couldn't believe that Nathan had this kind of experience, growing up and having _normal_ moments with pure interactions. "It looks... so... normal." He laughed, looking at a small bakery, "Everything down here is quaint." He said, "ordinary." 

"Shoma," Nathan smiled as he pulled the envoy into the bakery. "This place is amazing, honestly the best Yaotiao in the country - I used to beg our chefs to make it and they could never make it as good as this." He said with a grin as he went in and ordered some. Shoma stood watching, in awe of his King amongst the commoners. Nathan handed him the pastry, "Maybe you should... show me... sometime... food from your country. I have never tried it." He said moving to hold the pasty up for Shoma to take a bite. Shoma had been mistaken it was more of a doughnut than a pastry and he smiled at the King. "We sometimes have them at breakfast and we dip them in things. We can do that at the apartment. I'll get some of the dipping sauces." He murmured. 

"So you didn't bring me out to have sex with me." Shoma teased a little, when they were back in the alley walking towards somewhere, he wasn't sure. Nathan rolled his eyes, leading him to a small but luxurious apartment. "Well this isn't as quaint as the alley to get here." 

"My father." Nathan shrugged, "My mom wanted it to look normal but he put his foot down, you know couldn't have me sleeping on anything less than silk." He sighed as he put the stuff from the bakery down. "We will have to go out tonight, and I'll be able to take you to our night market for food. It's really good." He was excited, and Shoma hated this, why was this King doing this, making it so hard for Shoma to just feel like this was sex. He debated trying to get the other to fuck him so they wouldn't have to talk and he could try to protect himself. Nathan stepped closer to the envoy and kissed him slowly. Shoma wrapped his arms around the other. "You're going to love it here." He said as he pulled back. 

Shoma looked up at him and nodded, "Why don't you show me the bedroom?" He breathed out - reminding them both why they were here. He wasn't just on a visit - he was here for the other. Here to be taken. He was surprised by the bedroom, it was still expensive but it looked sort of normal. There were no expensive foreign gifts or paintings, everything looked like it had been bought here. Shoma pulled the King onto the bed with him and kissed him harder, shifting so the King was underneath him, their crotches pressed against each other, the King had his arms around the other, keeping him close as they moved against each other. 

Shoma moved the King's hands to his robe, gently coaxing the other to take it off of him. Watching the King open the robe and trace his eyes down Shoma's body. Nathan shuffled slightly, so he was sat against the headboard as the other straddled his lap. Nathan's hands traced up Shoma's side and the smaller man let out a soft sound. Nathan was watching him, watching the way he breathed as he kept rolling his hips against Nathan. He wanted to feel the other in him again, but where was the fun in just giving the King what he wanted. Shoma hated the higher pitched sound he made when the King lent forward and took his nipple between his glorious lips. Shoma wrapped his arms around the other, hand in the King's hair to try to coax him into giving him more. 

He could feel Nathan hard beneath him but it was nothing compared to his mouth, sucking and biting gently, teasing him. He was glad Daisuke had been wrong about royals making terrible bedfellows because Shoma didn't need to worry about not leaving the bed unsatisfied. Shoma rolled his hips harder, "Nathan." He mumbled, the King's hand had dropped to cup his ass. "Nathan" He breathed out again when the the other squeezed him. The King had pulled back from his nipple and was looking at Shoma. He took a slow breath trying to control himself. "Nathan... it feels good." He breathed out, moving to kiss at the King's neck, his hand slipping between them, moving the others robe aside so he could stroke the other. He kept going when the King started to make sounds that Shoma knew were approving. 

Shoma moved to get off the other, stripping him down completely. Nathan moved to grab some lubricant and pulled Shoma back on top of him. He coated his fingers and slowly pushed the first one in. It was good, different to in the water. He kissed the King hard, letting out soft sounds as the other was preparing him. The second finger was inserted and Shoma moaned against the others lips. He wrapped his arms around the King tighter, they moved against each other with little talking, feeling each other. 

"Please." Shoma breathed out and Nathan just seemed to understand exactly what he wanted as his fingers were replaced by something bigger. Shoma sat down full on the other, moaning out louder. He slowly began to move his hips, teasing the the other a little before speeding up. He pulled the King in for a harder kiss, he didn't care if it was unbecoming to be needy like this. He didn't care if the King was just using him, all he cared about in this moment was the King being inside him. Hands in the King's hair, the King's hands on Shoma's back encouraging him to speed up. 

Shoma didn't care if it was pushy, he kept moving, speeding up and crying out against the King. He kept going, rolling his hips harder. He needed more and he wasn't sure he was going to get enough from the King. He was on fire, and this man was burning through him. The King had pulled back and was kissing Shoma's neck and collarbones, biting down - causing Shoma to curse in his own language. He didn't noticed he'd dropped into his own mother tongue, "keep going, I need you." 

Nathan surprised him by answering in Shoma's language, "Anything for you sweetheart." Shoma whined at it, he didn't know why it was so hot to hear that. He kept going until he chased his release over the edge finishing over their stomachs, Nathan finishing shortly after. Shoma holding the other close to his chest. Shoma shifted moving off the other to lie next to him, watching the King. 

"You speak my language." He said rather than asked. 

"Of course, I speak most of the languages of our closest neighbours, it comes it handy - not every envoy is gifted to speak our language." He said with a small shrug "and if they were sometimes the letters we receive are not translated."

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"When we were having sex in the lake, or when you were ignoring me?" He asked, moving to lie down and look at the envoy. "Do you want to stay here tonight?" 

"I think our absence would be noticed." Shoma said, eyes tracing over the King's body, his muscles were just as taut as they had looked in the moonlight, and he was truly gorgeous. He moved to give the King a slow kiss. "It would be nice if we could." 

"We can - there are no dinners planned for tonight." Nathan shifted to trace his hand down the others body. "I... don't want to give you back yet. If we return this isn't as easy."

"Nathan." He said quietly, shifting a little closer, giving the King a slow kiss. "You're the King... you can do what and why you want." 

"Here it's just Shoma and Nathan, there it is a King and an Envoy - plus I can do what I want, but I know what happens to people like you if we get caught by your people." 

"No one is looking for me." He said quietly. "Our other envoy would never" Nathan had moved to cup the others cheek, gently, thumb tracing over the others cheek. "Just tonight." He said quietly. He wanted to spend time with the other - but he was very conscious about making the others affection for him more obvious. 

"We should get cleaned up if we're going out to the food market for dinner." Nathan said getting up and drawing them a bath. "It was easier in the lake right, everything drifted." Shoma stood watching the other admiring him, his body was beautifully proportioned. When Nathan turned around Shoma tried to pretend that he hadn't been staring. "What, think it strange that I'm the one drawing the bath?" 

"No, I mean, you're a King so I should draw it for you, but..." He said quietly, looking down at the ground, "I was just... its nothing. Shall we?" He stepped forward getting in the bath with Nathan and slowly washing, he didn't want to be too affectionate but this was nice, basking in the others gaze as he traced over him. They got out together and dressed quietly, walking towards the market. Nathan seemed pretty excited as he wandered amongst the peasantry. 

He pulled Shoma to a small stall, "I love these. I know I keep showing you breakfast style foods, but I love them so much. These are Cifantuan, and I'll order us the pork ones." He said before quickly conversing with the stall owner - Shoma could speak the language, he didn't need Nathan to do this for him, but who was he to stop the other ordering. He took a bite and smiled at the King, it was delicious. Nathan was smiling bright and laughing as they ate and talked around the market and Shoma cursed his traitorous heart. 

Nathan pulled him into a small roadside restaurant and ordered for them. "This is Banmian." He said as they ate, Nathan looked at the other, "What is the food like where you're from? I mean... what is it that you like?" He said softly, realising maybe that he was talking like a King and not like a commoner. 

Shoma shrugged, "I like meat. The meat here is great and everything but back home it's even better." 

"I will have to come visit your country soon." Nathan mused a little as they ate. "Do you have siblings?" 

"I have a younger brother - he works for the emperor in a different line of work. I was chosen to be an envoy at a young age and I was trained for a long time in order to fulfill these duties, so I did not get to spend much time with him. What about you?" 

"I have four older siblings, two sisters and two brothers." 

"And yet you were King?" 

"Ah - yes, many don't understand our intricacies. We don't naturally succeed. You see my father chose me too when I was young and I was trained to be King from a young age. My oldest brother leads our military expeditions and my second oldest brother is my closest adviser. Honestly, being King isn't the most desirable job in our kingdom, my brothers have far better jobs - they have more freedom and I will be given to some village girl to keep our blood line pure. I don't get to chose where my heart lies - not the way that my brothers do. I don't know how they chose their lovers but they did and they chose them with their heart, although of course they come with status, alliances are generally reserved for my sisters. One is married to a former feudal lord and the other to a high landowner to secure our Kingdom, but I am the strongest alliance of all, I will either get married, to a villager, or someone from our cities who is rich enough to be worthy and pure in blood for our children or be given to some princess, well I guess be given some princess." Shoma watched the young King explain these things. He had choice within reason, he could pick who he loved and there were few limits to it. He didn't have to forge and alliance and secure a kingdom. 

"Nathan." He said softly. 

"I will marry someone I cannot love and I will spend my life with them, producing heirs, and wishing I had been fortunate enough to inherit the army." He said looking away from Shoma. "I was chosen and my father never explained why, but maybe he knew about this inside me, and knew it was the only way to force me to produce heirs- grandchildren." 

Shoma was unsure what to say, he had never heard someone openly state they were interested in only men like that. "It's not that easy for normal people Nathan, I could never truly be with who I wanted, I will be expected to take a wife too. It's why being an envoy suits me - I delay the inevitable." 

Nathan looked down and then back up at Shoma, "You will find someone who suits you." 

"Not in my heart. Nathan." He said quietly, "I'm like you. My someone is going to be someone I cannot marry." He hated talking like this about it - which is why he and Daisuke had always kept things away from this topic. Shoma and Nathan finished and walked home, it was little different now, now that all of that was out in the open. They both knew that this wasn't something they were only doing out of boredom, they were both men who sought the comfort of men and that led Shoma to feel on edge. He wasn't just a plaything, because he wouldn't get pregnant or because there were cultural reasons for them not having women as lovers, this was because they both craved the contact of another man and that was dangerous. Feelings could easily get involved if it was like this. 

When they re-entered the apartment both of the men stripped down and got into the bed together. Shoma watched the King carefully trying to work out how best to proceed. Nathan lent in and gave him a slow kiss, pulling Shoma to him. "Thank you for staying with me tonight." He said softly as they just lay looking at each other, light from the moon entering the apartment. Shoma gently traced over Nathan's features, they fell asleep talking about everything and nothing. 

They returned to the palace the next day and Shoma felt even more unsure of himself, he needed to stop this. He was pretty certain. He went to Daisuke's room to talk to him about it. He began recounting what had happened before Daisuke stopped him. "Wait, you said you like meat? Mhm, I bet you do." He said raising an eyebrow. "Especially royal meat." 

"Dai, please." Shoma whined, he was beginning to regret this. "Look, I'm said I'd go talk to him privately tonight but after tonight I won't have sex with him anymore." 

"Mhm, I'm sure you've got enough willpower to resist that sexy King." Daisuke said with a small shrug. "I don't know why you're getting worked up about this, it's just sex and you're overthinking. He likes men and you like men that doesn't mean you're like going to fall in love with him." 

Shoma nodded and got up, he didn't want to talk about Nathan anymore, it didn't make sense to keep discussing this. He was just opening himself up to the hurt of acknowledging that he was certain there were going to be feelings between him and Nathan - and he really did not need to hear Daisuke judge him for that. 

Shoma opened his door that night, he was mostly packed, ready for his journey back home. He wasn't surprised to see the King, they had discussed this, seeing each other one last time before Shoma went back. He quietly invited the other in and watched him as the other pulled him into a kiss. Shoma let out a small sound, holding onto Nathan's robes. "You have to be quiet." Nathan mumbled, the kisses getting deeper. He sighed out when Shoma pushed him back. 

Nathan looked at him and let out a small moan, watching Shoma sink down to his knees, parting the others robes and stroking Nathan's cock to full hardness. Kissing over the others shaft and giving Nathan's inner thigh a soft bite. Nathan arched back against the wall he was leaning against. Shoma kissed over the head of the others cock before slowly taking it into his mouth. He moaned around Nathan, teasing the head, tongue tracing over the slit before he took more of the other into his mouth. His hand moving to stroke what he couldn't reach. 

Shoma looked up at Nathan, mouth around the King's cock. Nathan had one hand in Shoma's hair, other over his own mouth as Shoma took him in deeper and deeper. He wanted to take him in all the way, he wanted to make the king feel really good. He moaned around the others cock, hand coming up to cup the others balls gently. He teased the other, feeling the King roll his hips against him and moaning louder against his own hand. 

Shoma had moved his own hand down to stroke himself as he kept moving on the other, working up to taking the whole thing in, nose pressed against the others private skin, the King tugged at Shoma's hair a little harshly and they both moaned in tandem. Shoma pulled back, hand stroking the King, as he kitten licked the others head before taking the King back into his mouth all the way again. The King tugged his hair again, and Shoma knew the King was really feeling it. 

It wasn't long before the King finished, he hadn't given Shoma warning, although when Shoma pulled off the other not caring if the other's cum got onto his robes. He looked up at the King who'd come undone for him. He got off his knees, grabbing a towel to wipe his face, the King had pulled himself into some semblance of together. "Let me help you?" He said quietly, he breathed out. Shoma nodded, stripping the robe off and getting into his bed, pulling the King in with him. Nathan started to stroke the other, Shoma kissed the other slowly to try to distract himself from crying out. He held the King close, pushing off Nathan's robe and kissing the King's shoulder as Nathan sped his hand up, tightening his grip a little, Shoma letting out soft whimpers at the others movement. As he got closer his hips started rolling against the other, eyes shut tightly. "Nathan." He tried to keep himself quiet. He bit down on the others shoulder as he came over their stomachs. He held the other close as he came down. "Sorry... Sorry about the bite." 

"It's fine." Nathan said softly, gently stroking the others hair, and giving him a soft kiss. "You're going tomorrow." He said and Shoma thought he heard sadness. He knew the King would get up and leave soon, but he wanted to savour this moment. "I will miss you Shoma." 

"I will miss you too." He said with a smile, watching as Nathan got up to wipe himself down before redressing and leaving Shoma left in his bed. Shoma fell asleep shortly after, he just wanted to find things easier. He didn't want to be this way and leaving here was going to be hard. 

Shoma had returned to the others kingdom multiple times. He took every opportunity to travel, it was starting to distress him as he knew that this was far more serious than he had originally intended. He had taken tea with Daisuke, the only person who knew what he was doing on his envoy missions. He looked at him after he poured the tea. "Hi Daisuke." He said quietly.

"Shoma, your letter sounded urgent." He looked at him, "Is everything ok? Did someone find out about Nathan?" 

"No... no one knows about that." Shoma said quietly. "It's worse than that." 

"Nothing is worse than that Shoma, if someone knew, you'd be a traitor." He said looking at him, "You need to make sure _no one_ finds out about you and him. He is cute, yes, but he is not one of us." 

"One of us? Daisuke, he's a human. There is no them and us." Shoma glared at the other man. 

"Sure, Shoma, what is wrong? Why did you call me here?" 

"I think I am in love with him."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes to a head and Shoma has to make a choice.

Daisuke looked at Shoma and raised his eyebrow. "Shoma, don't say that." He said quietly. "I mean, you _can't_ love him. That's not how that works." 

"You can't love the emperor, but you do." Shoma said, he'd thought that Daisuke would understand him, that this would be something they could bond over. He looked down at his tea. "I don't understand why this is different to that, we all know our stories end the same." 

"No - they don't. I love _our_ emperor. You love _another_ King. It's punishable Shoma, you could be a traitor and being a traitor isn't exactly fun. You'd shame your family." 

"Shaming my family because I love another." His anger burning through him. "I told you because I thought you might understand but clearly you don't care or understand." He said getting up and leaving. He wasn't going to sit through this. 

As he left Daisuke said, "I'm not going to cover for you anymore. When you go back to fuck your King you can go with Keiji." 

Shoma was burning with rage, he hated this. He hated that the one person he expected to understand him and to want to understand who he was and what he felt had turned their back on him. He'd told Daisuke because he had expected him to have advice, to help him, to tell how to make it hurt less. He was alone, he guessed in this. It was just him, trying to navigate these feelings - and while he knew that he needed to stop feeling like this but he could not. He was going to take the next trip. 

Shoma took a trip to the others Kingdom and smiled when he saw Nathan again, ignoring Keiji and pushing that out of his mind. They agreed to go to back to the apartment in the city, a place that Shoma loved to spend time with Nathan. He loved being able to just lie with the other. They entered and were soon stripped out of their robes and lying in the bed kissing slowly. Nathan's hand on Shoma's stomach, tracing small shapes, occasionally teasing down to the smaller man's most sensitive skin. "I love you." Nathan said, speaking in Shoma's language to make sure he was understood. Shoma stopped, looking at Nathan, who just flushed. "I had meant to tell you one of the previous times you've been here since I first brought you to this apartment. I didn't want to overwhelm you and then I got scared every time-" 

Shoma stopped him from rambling with a slow kiss. "I love you too." He said, in Nathan's language. He wanted to give the other the same appreciation he had. He took a slow breath - it was a problem, they loved each other and Shoma had suspected it wasn't as one sided as he first thought. He pulled the other for a harder kiss, desperate to go back to the carnal reason they began having these rendez-vous, he moved a hand to gently stroke the other, Nathan responded, letting the other take him away from this conversation. 

They didn't take long to forget the conversation, Shoma kissed him slowly, shifting his hips against the other harder. He wanted to get the other moving into him sooner rather than later. Shoma pulled Nathan so he was over him, he let out a soft sound when Nathan let his hips drop down and roll against the envoys. Shoma was glad they were already naked, he hated when their clothes got in the way with this. He didn't want to think about the position they were in, he just wanted to be with the other. He didn't want to think of the problems their relationship caused. He was pulled out of his thoughts when the other rolled his hips harder against him. Shoma arched his back up harder, "fuck Nathan." he breathed out. "Stop teasing." He said whining when Nathan moved from where he was. Moving Shoma's legs so they were still apart. 

He slowly coated his fingers and then pressed one into the other. Shoma arched, gripping onto the sheets as he moaned. He preferred sex here than in the palace because he had to keep it down and he liked being loud - he loved the way that Nathan responded to his sounds. Nathan kept moving his finger into the other, kissing up the others thigh, biting down on the others inner thigh. Shoma cursed in his own language, and he felt Nathan bite him again. He cried out harder, hearing the King moan himself at the sound. Shoma felt the other reward him by pushing in a second finger. When it was the first time they were having sex since coming back to see each other, it was always fast, rushed, Nathan took his time for the rest of the time they spent together, but they were so eager that they just wanted to feel each other. 

"Nathan." He breathed out, "More, please." He said, Nathan pushed the third finger in and they both moaned, as Shoma reflexively tightened. Nathan didn't take too long before he moved to press a cock into the envoy, he moved slowly at first, letting Shoma get used to the sensation. Shoma closed his eyes, arching and part of him swore he'd swear allegiance to Nathan as his King if he would just speed up. His wish was granted without him having to say those things as Nathan sped up, pulling Shoma's leg to rest a little higher around his waist. Shoma cried out harder, he wanted more and Nathan was already going fast into him. He wanted this, he loved feeling the other in him like this.

Nathan kept moving, Shoma's legs tighter around him, pulling the King down for a messy, lusty kiss. It was a lot, Shoma felt overwhelmed almost, knowing the other was in him and loved him. They moved together, kissing, making sounds as they moved and Shoma soon found himself on the edge. "Nate, please." He breathed against the others lips, the King knew what the other wanted, moving to start stroking the other slowly, until he came. Nathan finishing shortly after.

Nathan pulled out and lay next to Shoma, giving him a few gentle kisses. Shoma kissed back, not wanting this to be over, he loved the other and this was the first time they'd had sex knowing where they both stood. "This visit is a bit longer than normal." Shoma said quietly, watching Nathan as he spoke. "So I hope we can spend more time together, I miss you in the weeks or months between our visits." He said gently stroking Nathan's cheek. "I love you, I think about you when I'm home, I think about if you'd like it, and then of course I have our memories for lonely nights. I think about who you see, if there are other envoys or if you have other lovers." 

"I don't," Nathan said quickly. "I don't have other lovers. It is just you. I mean my father has been having me court someone." Shoma hated how it hurt his heart thinking of Nathan taking a girl for walks around the palace, maybe taking her to the lake where they fucked the first time. "But it's mostly just tea with chaperones, not that I need them, I'm not going to defile her." 

"Mhm, not when you've got an envoy to defile." Shoma teased trying to keep his own jealousy from bubbling up through him. 

"If I could it would be you who I courted. I'd behave, and treat you well. We'd have tea and eventually start going on walks, maybe if I got brave enough I'd hold your hand." He moved to take the others hand in his and smiled. "And we'd end up having dinner together, you'd meet my parents and I'd meet yours, I'd promise I would look after you and your father would give me permission. We would have an engagement party where I'd present you to my people and they'd fall in love with you like I have." He said, giving Shoma's hand a small squeeze. "Then our first kiss would happen, when I managed to slip out of the view of our chaperones," He gave the other a chaste kiss. "We'd plan a beautiful wedding and the country would celebrate us and our union. We would then have our first night together on our wedding night and our marriage would be full of our love." He said quietly, kissing Shoma again slowly, slightly more passionately. 

"It all sounds very wonderful Nathan, but I think we've had too much sex for us to live chastely until our wedding night." He teased, wrapping his leg around the others hip and pulling himself closer. He kissed him until he was breathless. Shoma kept himself close to the other, rolling his hips slowly. 

"Mhm, I need a minute before I can go again." Nathan said, holding Shoma against him. "Shoma Uno.." He said quietly. "I know now might not be the best time, but stay with me. forever." 

"Nathan?" 

"I know, I know it's a lot, but stay with me. I'll instate you into my court. I'll keep you safe." Nathan said quietly, kissing the others cheek gently. "I love you and I don't think I can go as long as we do without seeing you." He said softly. "I want to be with you." 

"You know if I was in your court everyone would talk about.. us" Shoma said softly. "I'd be known as your whore." 

"No one would say a bad word about you. I wouldn't let them." Nathan said quietly. Shoma nodded, giving the taller a quick kiss. 

"I know, but they'd think it. Think I do little more than spread my legs for you. I mean, they wouldn't be wrong, we've even fucked in your war room." Shoma breathed out, "I know we have a lot of sex because we miss each other but no one would believe there was more to us than that." 

"I don't care what they think Shoma, it wouldn't change how I feel about you." 

"I know Nathan." He said softly, kissing the man gently. "I know you would still feel the same but I know that people calling me a whore is going to hurt." Nathan just nodded, accepting the others view. 

"It's ok Shoma, I understand. We can keep doing this for as long as you want." Nathan conceded and Shoma didn't say anything else, just giving the man soft kisses. There was nothing to talk about - Shoma was not a traitor to his own people and that was something that he would never be able to be. He couldn't be, he wouldn't be, but it he couldn't stop his own heart feeling like this. 

He just wished it could be easier. He lay against Nathan, head resting on the King's chest, listening to the others breathing. He loved the sound and wished he could listen to it for the rest of his life. But he knew that there were two problems with that. They would never have been allowed to be together like this even if they were both from the same place. Men couldn't marry men, they couldn't spend their lives together like this. It would always just be a hidden love. He kissed Nathan's chest softly and eventually fell asleep.

Returning to Japan was hard, he missed Nathan and then he wasn't talking to his only confidant and he didn't want to. He wasn't going to be the person to cave and apologise to Daisuke. He couldn't, he wasn't going to say he was right. He was surprised when there was a knock on the door of his quarters. He sighed, looking at Daisuke, "Come to tell me I'm a traitor again?" 

Daisuke said nothing, and Shoma looked at him properly. He had been crying. "Daisuke?" He said softer, his anger with his friend fading. "What happened? Is everything ok?" He just wanted to find out if there was something he could do. 

"I... I have to leave." He said softly, "I have to go home, and I'm sorry Shoma. I want you to know that I'm sorry." He looked at the other, kissing his cheek when he stepped in. He smiled at the other.

"Our emperor won't allow it. We can go and petition him." 

"No, Shoma, it is him who had ordered me away." Daisuke looked down, "I - I no longer please him the way he wanted." 

"Dai, that's not true." 

"I- His wife has conceived. He... She found out about me and him and about how we felt for each other and told him that she would tarnish his reputation if he didn't get rid of me." He looked at his hands, trying not to cry. Shoma held the other close and just hugged him. "I have to leave - I love him and his reputation is worth more than my love." 

"Daisuke... if he loved you he wouldn't-" 

"Like your fancy King is proud of fucking you when no one knows." Daisuke threw back and Shoma knew he was just saying it because he was sad. 

"Nathan asked me to defect." He said without thinking. 

"Wow, you really are a traitor." Daisuke said scathingly. "If our emperor only knew how you were disgracing us." 

"Says the man who spread his legs for our emperor so I don't think you have a leg to stand on here." 

"I'm not the one acting like a whore here." 

"You're the one who told me to fuck Nathan!" 

"Fuck him, not fall in love with him and want to run away with him!" Daisuke shouted at him, Shoma knew this argument would end in nothing but hurt feelings, but here he was. "You are a traitor. Shoma Uno. And you need to watch your back." He said before turning to leave. Shoma broke down on his bed and cried, he couldn't believe this was really happening. His own friend had turned against him because of how he felt for Nathan. 

It wasn't long before the next chance arose, tensions were heightening as Shoma's nation was strengthening their military forces, they wanted to protect themselves. Not from other nations such as Nathan's but there were powers from further away who had been making moves on territories and they had to protect themselves. However, in order to communicate this effectively, envoys had to ensure peace remained and keep their alliances stable. 

Shoma did not talk about these things with Nathan when it was just them. Nathan had brought him to his quarters in the palace. "Sorry, we can't go to the flat this time." He said, giving Shoma a gentle kiss. Shoma ran his fingers through the others curls as they lay together on the bed. "Things are getting more tense..." 

"I know Nathan." He said kissing the other slowly, not wanting to talk about it. He just wanted to be with him. He hated that they had to talk about politics. "I just want to forget it." 

"You know, we might not have much more time." Nathan said softly, kissing Shomas forehead. "You could still move here." He sighed when Shoma tensed a little, he didn't want to talk about potentially becoming a traitor to his people. "I know I can't offer you a marriage or something like that, but I would give you a place in my court. I would keep you safe and close to me. I could promise you my heart." 

"Nathan." 

"I know, you love your own kingdom, but I just wanted to remind you that you could have me." Nathan rested his head against the pillow and Shoma gently played with his curls. "If I could marry you, Shoma Uno, I would. I would marry you tomorrow without the approval of my family, I don't care... I know it's you." 

"Nathan." Shoma said softly, "you're a King, you will have your pick of spouses." 

"But you are the one who had my heart. You take it with you when your go back home." 

"Nathan," Shoma knew that their feelings were matched in depth but how could he pick love over his country, over his people. He wasn't a traitor. He loved Nathan, but he also loved his people. He wanted to be with Nathan - but he couldn't abandon his people. "I love you, so much, you know that." 

"I know, but you should think about it, about us and about being with me, here, for the rest of our lives." Nathan sighed, "forget it Shoma." He mumbled, rolling so he wasn't facing the other. Shoma just watched the king's back. He didn't even know if this was a fight, maybe it was for the best, if Nathan was mad at him then he didn't have to think about how he was a traitor. 

"I'm sorry." Shoma said softly, pulling his robe tighter to him. He got up to leave the room, he didn't want to stay here if the other was just going to be mad at him for the rest of the night. 

"I'm sorry you're sorry." 

Shoma went and sat up in his own room that night. He drafted a letter to Daisuke, telling him about Nathan, about what he had asked of him and the promises he'd made because of it. He poured his soul out onto the page. He knew he _loved_ Nathan, but things were never going to be that easy. It frustrated him that Nathan believed it would just be ok in the end if Shoma just left his country behind and stayed full time - but it would be difficult and there would be no guarantee that they would remain in love. Nathan was asking him to risk everything and Shoma wasn't sure Nathan even understood what those risks would be. 

Shoma was restless, but he did eventually fall asleep, waking up when there was a knock on his door. He got up and opened the door to see Nathan. He just looked at him, not knowing what to say. "Envoy Uno" Nathan said quietly. "May I come in?" Shoma nodded, stepping aside to let the King in. Nathan looked down, "I'm sorry Shoma." He said once the door was closed. "I know you... love your country and I am not worth it." 

"Nathan, I love you, but how can we do this, how can we do this when you're a King and I'm an envoy and this isn't even easy as it is." 

"I know. I just know how I feel about you." Nathan said quietly. "It's hard to imagine not having you." Shoma stepped closer and kissed the King. 

"I know. I know it's hard for me too" Shoma was soft spoken when it came to this issue. He knew it was hard for both of them and he didn't want to spend their short time together arguing. He wrapped his arms around Nathan, "I will think about it, I promise you, you just have to give me time to work everything out." 

"I will respect it if you chose not to come here. I know you love me." Nathan said as they kissed, melting into each other. Holding him closer, Nathan kept Shoma against him. "It's just hard to be without you." He said slowly, pulling the other's hips closer against him. Shoma nodded arms wrapped around the others neck. 

Shoma had been back for a short amount of time, when he was called in to see the Emperor. It was unusual for the Emperor to want to speak to him. He walked in, feeling uneasy, Daisuke had returned home and he hoped that he wasn't being called in to report on his friend - or to replace his friend. He didn't want to replace him. He didn't want to share himself with anyone else but Nathan, he had before - but now he did not want to. He would not give himself to anyone else. 

The Emperor was sat in his own room, looking over at Shoma when he entered. "Ah, Envoy Uno, do sit down." 

Shoma nodded his head and sat down. He looked at the Emperor, "What was it that you required of me?" He said with a small smile, praying it wasn't to do with replacing Daisuke. 

"So I have heard you have a certain preference sexually." The Emperor began and Shoma's stomach felt tight, he didn't know how he was going to explain to the man that he did not want to sleep with him without revealing the whole being in love with someone else. He reached over and touched Shoma's knee and then laughed feeling the man tense. "Oh don't worry Envoy Uno, you aren't my type. No, that isn't why you're here." He said retracting his hand with a shrug, "I was here because I heard rumours about you and the Chen King, Nathan is his name right?" 

"Yes, Nathan." Shoma said, although his throat was too tight and the room suddenly felt too warm. "Who said that? They're probably just envious of my going to his Kingdom or something." 

"You see, I don't think so." He said handing Shoma a letter, the letter he'd written to Daisuke about his love for Nathan and the proposition to move to be with him. "Your messenger foolishly thought I would know where Daisuke was now and where to send it to. I read it - curious to know if he had been in correspondence with you, I wanted to know how he was doing but instead I found out I was harbouring a traitor. Did Daisuke know?" 

"No." Shoma said, knowing it would make it worse if he told the Emperor it was a deception on both parts. "I never told him. I wanted to tell him then - I wanted to tell him because I love this nation and it had gotten out of control." 

"So what did you say to the young King?" 

"I- I turned him down." Shoma said quietly. 

"You see Envoy Uno, in the letter you say you're thinking about it. What is there to think about do you not love our people, our country?" 

"I do. I do really." He said desperately. "I would do anything for you Emperor and for our nation." 

"Really?" He raised a brow. "I want you to send the notice to your lover that our kingdom is ceasing our alliance." 

"Emperor. I am not that important." 

"Please, Envoy Uno, it is not about you. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time. We have stronger allies and we do not need their cooperation. As a seafaring nation we control their passages for sea trade - and I will not have them trading with bigger nations they need to sail to." 

"But Emperor-" 

"Are you questioning me Envoy Uno? I want you to deliver this to your lover - think of it as a blessing. I'm giving you a goodbye." 

Shoma hated this, he sat on the boat as they travelled towards the other Kingdom. He guarded the letter that ceased the cooperation of their nations and knew that he was really holding the knife to stab the King with. His heart broke in the anticipation of seeing the other and telling him why he was there. He knew that deep down the King would move on - as would Shoma, they would have to and after years apart he guessed it would get easier. He docked and when he arrived at the palace he saw Nathan and he suddenly couldn't breathe again. He didn't want to do this, the letter felt like lead. 

He gave the King the normal public greeting they shared and then went in to his quarters to unpack and psych himself up. He went to the King's room and knocked, Nathan smiled at him and Shoma wished he wouldn't. because he knew the other had no idea what he was coming here to do. He just wanted to spend one more day with the other without him knowing what Shoma knew. Without him knowing that this was going to be the end of the line for them. 

They lay in post-coital bliss together, Shoma gently running his hand through Nathan's hair, he loved the curls in the others hair, he imagined it looked beautiful on children. Imagined that Nathan's heirs would have his beautiful curls and would look beyond cute. Not that he was going to see them. He couldn't be a traitor to his people and he had promised his own Emperor that he would do this. 

"Is everything OK?" Nathan said softly, his eyes were closed and Shoma had assumed he'd fallen asleep. "I mean, not that I don't like this, but it's a lot of hair stroking, even for you." 

"It's fine Nathan, just go to sleep." Shoma said quietly, "I just want to appreciate you." He sighed, looking over Nathan, trying to commit the other completely to memory. 

"Shoma." Nathan said sitting up now, "Just tell me what's wrong, you're a terrible liar." 

"I have a letter from my Emperor." Shoma said quietly. "He is... ending our alliance and this makes it my last trip." He barely said those words and Nathan just stared at him. 

"When were you going to tell me?" 

"I just wanted one last day without this between us. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to feel your love for one last day without you knowing that it was the end." 

"Why won't you stay?" Nathan said quietly. 

"Nathan... you know... what it would mean."

"I don't care Shoma, I want you to be here with me. I want you. I would give up my Kingdom for you." 

"Easy to say when you aren't the one making that sacrifice. It's not even for marriage, it would be leaving my nation to be your dirty secret. The boy you fucked when no one was watching, before you went home to your wife and children and I would have to watch you and her and your kids and pretend that my heart wasn't tearing in two." 

"Shoma... I know it's hard but is this better? Never seeing each other again. Could you just do that, just move on and find someone else to love? Because I don't think I can Shoma Uno, I love you with my whole being and there isn't a star in the sky that could outshine my love for you." 

Shoma just looked at Nathan, "Please Nathan, I love you. I do. But this is bigger than that. It's different than that. You will have a wife, and I love my home. It's just, It's not going to work out Nathan." Shoma said, moving to get out of the bed and pull a robe on over himself. "I am sorry but after this trip my country will sever ties and we will go our separate ways." 

"Shoma... please, don't." 

"I have to. For my country, just as you will make the best choice for you own." Shoma looked at Nathan just sat in the bed watching him. He moved kneeling on the bed to give Nathan a soft kiss. Nathan didn't really say anything but Shoma thought it was probably promising that the other had returned the kiss slightly. "I will always love you Nathan, and in the next life I hope we're reincarnated as a pair who can love each other freely." 

"You don't have to do this." 

"I don't want to talk about this for the rest of my stay Nathan, can we just enjoy this?" 

"I have planning to do as we have to plan now our alliance is over with your Kingdom," Nathan said quietly. "I will arrange for an escort to take you to some sights." 

Shoma sighed and left the room, he lay on his bed looking at the ceiling and thinking about everything. He had been so certain before getting here that he would chose his country but there was a treacherous part of his heart that just wanted to stay here, it was after all and option, if he just didn't get on the boat. If he just could leave everything behind. But he had more to think about than him, what would happen to his brother and his parents if the son they had been so proud of abandoned his post and his country. He couldn't ruin their lives for the sake of being with the person who owned his heart. 

He spent the days on trips the King had arranged and the nights in his bed, they didn't talk much, mostly sharing each other and then returning to their own rooms to sleep and pretend that their time wasn't almost up. It was the last night when after he'd finished Nathan got up, going to a drawer in his own vanity and pulling out a box. He handed the box to Shoma. "It's a present for you." He said quietly, and Shoma opened it to find an ornate pendant. "My mother received that from my father when he chose her - when he gave her his entire heart and it means the same from me. No matter what happens, you have my heart and will carry it with you for the rest of my life." 

Nathan put it on Shoma and smiled even though Shoma could see the pain in his eyes. "I have nothing as beautiful to give you Nathan, you are in my heart always. I will miss you more than words can say." Nathan just gave him a small smile and then they shared a gentle kiss. 

"I won't be able to see you off tomorrow but please travel safely. Please make it home ok and I want you to find someone to keep you safe. My heart is with you, so you need to live well." Nathan said kissing Shoma with all he had, pulling the other close. "Stay the night, it doesn't matter who knows if you're gone tomorrow." 

Shoma nodded and lay down with his lover, he didn't feel like sleeping though. He wanted to be with the man for as long as he could, but they did both eventually fall asleep. Shoma woke up, alone in the bed and wondered when Nathan had gotten up - wondering how the other slept and if he was ok. Shoma went to his room and began packing, catching a glimpse of himself in the necklace. The King really did love him and this choice was tearing him up inside. He sat down at his desk and wrote letters. He wrote everything in his heart and got up, it was time to go to the docks. 

When Nathan got back to his room that night, he saw a letter, he knew who it was from as when he unfolded it a ring fell out. He put it on as he read the letter, he'd spent all day holding back tears and couldn't help but release them when he read the others words about how much he loved him and how much he was going to miss him. The end of the letter told him to go to where they spent their first night together and he sighed walking to the lake, he was surprised. "Shoma." 

Shoma turned around. "I hope you meant what you said about protecting me here. I gave up everything." He said being pulled into Nathan's arms and just holding the King against him, pulling him for a heated kiss. "I told my parents and brother that I'm not coming home. I have nothing, I am a man without a home." 

"Your home is here. In my arms" Nathan said quietly. "It won't be easy - but we'll work something out. I will keep you safe. I will work it out." Shoma just nodded, resting against the King. He was terrified, but he had made a choice and his heart actually felt still. Maybe this would all be for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story and I hope you enjoyed it, as it's losely based on the Sino-Japanese dynamic the ending is sort of angsty as we're gearing up towards the first Sino-Japanese conflict, but that is a conversation for another day - and maybe even a different fic. 
> 
> I really appreciate all of you readers, so thank you for keeping me inspired.


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